The Root of All Evil

"For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs." 1 Timothy 6:10

I am a stay at home mom. I have not always been. For the first time since my Firstborn was a baby, my job is raising my children. I have never had a more important job, or one that  I love more. Sure, sometimes my kids drive me crazy. I have zero "me time". Most days I am exhausted and I am lucky to get uninterrupted sleep in four hour increments. Every day is a struggle emotionally, physically and financially, but a struggle that I take in stride every moment of every day. I truly believe that my children and I will be better for it.

After the Big One was born, I started working part time. Things got ugly financially so I started full time. Even with me working full time, the Captain and I worked our schedules to keep the Big One out of daycare. Together, we made enough to pay the bills with little left over. Through this time, I received several calls from a company I worked for previously. Finally when she was 18 months old, I had tired of the financial crunch and accepted their offer for a very high pressure position in sales and marketing. My raise was significant. We put the Big One in daycare for the first time. She became a different child.

The initial transition was traumatic for everyone. I cried sobbed every day for the first week after I dropped her off. She was at daycare for 9-10 hours every day. Most days when I picked her up, I had to take her back to work with me to finish my day. After dinner and bath we had about an hour to spend together. I was on call 24/7. My phone rarely left my hands. I would stay up late finishing paperwork or planning events. To say I was stressed is putting it mildly. I wasn't able to give 100% to my job or my family. The guilt consumed me and kept me awake at night. But, for the first time since her arrival I wasn't worried about money. We went on vacation, bought a new car, and decided to have the Little One. Despite the guilt, and the lack of time with the Big One, I planned to return to work after the Little One's arrival.

Two months before the Little One arrived, I was forced to stop working due to pregnancy complications. My company did not hold my job for me. I considered it a sign that I was to stay home with my girls, and decided that I wanted to remain home until the Little One was old enough to go to preschool. I have now been home for 8 months. I have watched the Big One change from a shy, introverted child to one who now talks to anyone who will listen. At the playground she no longer clings to mommy or daddy, but seeks out others willing to play with her.  I  have been the one to teach her to write her name and cut with scissors. I  have been the one taking her to story time, gymnastics and play dates.  I have been able to watch her transform and grow. And in these 8 months I have also grown.  I have dared to venture out of my comfort zone and met two wonderful women who help keep me sane. I have not missed a single second of my girls for eight months and I have loved it!

It has not been easy financially. The Captain is now our sole provider. If you have been following my posts, you know that he is a charter boat captain. His income is primarily based on tips and is seasonal. This season, people are not as generous as they have been in years past. We are able to pay our bills with a little left over, but the season is getting ready to come to a close. Without additional income we are getting nervous.  He plans to work offshore (in Louisiana) once the season ends. This means that he will be away from home for 28 days at a time. I can't imagine him regularly missing out on an entire month of our girls growing up.

I have been recommended for a job making a significant amount of money. Once again it is in sales and marketing. It means long hours, evening events, being tied to a phone, and being unavailable to my girls. It means I will be stressed out and short tempered. It means missing out on the every day things, and being angry that I am. It means once again being filled with guilt. It means that once again the Big One's life would significantly change. It also means financial security. It also means that though I would miss out on 50 or 60 hours of my children's lives every week, I would be there to tuck them in bed at night- and the Captain would be there too. He wouldn't be on a boat thousands of miles away for a month at a time.

I have to make a decision by Monday. I can't help but feel that if I decide to decline the offer, we would find a way to make it. It may be rough for a while, but at this point in the girl's lives time is what matters not material things. But if I chose the road to financial security, what price am I paying? Can I really put a price tag on my girls' childhood? I will never get back these years. Is it really worth the money?

What price tag can you put on this?

What do you think?


Don't forget to vote for me on Top Mommy Blogs. Thanks to all of you, I am currently ranked # 198! Quite a jump from 401!!!